Books I Wish Existed

January 18, 2010

When I was pregnant, I was overwhelmed by the number of parenting books on the market: What to Expect The First Year, Parenting by the Book, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, etc., etc., etc. forever and ever, amen. Now that I'm a new parent, however, I've discovered that maybe there aren't enough books on the subject after all. So for all you publishers out there, here is a list of book titles I'd like to see on the market in each genre:

Memoir: Lost in the Fog: How Childbirth Turned Me into a Walking Vegetable

Instructional: Keeping 25 Baby Care Essentials Within Arm's Reach at all Times

Medicine: The Plastic Surgeon's Guide to Turning Two Arms into Four (or more)

Sci-Fi: The Baby that Never Slept

Horror: The Meconium of Doom

Romance: Love May Hurt for a While

Self-Help: Believing You are a Good Mother (even if you can't breastfeed)

Mystery: The Case of the Tiny Vanishing Socks

Fantasy: A Painless Birth

Cooking: Microwave Gourmet: Amazing Edibles in Under Ten Minutes

Reference: The World Encyclopedia of Non-Essential Baby Items

and finally...

Health: The Breastfeeding Father: The Art of Achieving Male Lactation

I think 7% in royalties sounds fair. You know where to find me.


TC said...

LOL! I have never given birth, but I LOVE those titles! Especially love the genres that go with them. Pretty clever lady, considering you are operating on little sleep! :)

Thanks for the b-day wishes, btw! :)

Sanctum's Muse said...

You're welcome!

Charmaine said...

The Art of Achieving Male Lactation. I'd read that in a flash.

I don't have children but I'd read it. Hello.

Is there a foundation I can donate in order to further this goal?

Sanctum's Muse said...

I wish! Unfortunately, I don't think any such foundation exists.

Thanks for reading!

Betsy Jordan said...

Love it, April!! Glad to see your sense of humor hasn't faded away due to lack of sleep, etc!

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