My Apologies

September 19, 2009

Please forgive me, dear readers, for my three week absence. The gray days sort of took over, and I got lost in the fog. Trying to organize my thoughts into something coherent seemed impossible and overwhelming. So I took a mental vacation. I'm not sure if I'm completely back, but I thought I would at least stop in and give you a little something from me.

Outside of my depression, life hasn't been too bad. I finally got over the daily puke-o'-rama and started working at my tutoring job again, which I love. I tutor at a military college, so most of my clients are young, polite, physically fit men. What red-blooded woman wouldn't love that? I've also taken up a new (and expensive) hobby of making jewelry. It's about the only activity that completely takes my mind off of my stress. However, I need to start selling some of my pieces if I hope to continue. Right now, I'm going broke trying to buy more beads.

I also found out at my big ultrasound that I'm having a boy! My husband and I are ecstatic. We're naming him after his grandfather, my husband's father, who passed away last year.

Inside my depression, life hasn't been so pretty. For the past three weeks, I've felt exhausted all the way down into my soul. Getting out of bed at any hour has been a struggle. I nearly cried myself to sleep more than once recently, and yesterday I was absolutely consumed by the thought that my baby was going to die. Fortunately, I also saw my psychiatrist yesterday, who said we should double my medication. I don't mind. Whatever helps. I can't function when I'm this far into the dark. Today, though, the clouds seem to be lifting.

Thanks for reading and understanding. I hope to be back again very soon.


Just Me said...

I hope you start feeling better soon. Being depressed and pregnant is a horrible combination. I have been there twice. Congratulations of having a boy!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about your depression. I know exactly how you're feeling though...not being able to motivate yourself out of bed, wanting to cry for no reason, simple tasks seeming to be overwhelming. I'm glad it seems to be getting better though! I hope the medication change works out, sometimes something simple like that makes a huge difference! Congrats on your boy, I bet you and your husband are so excited. :) Ah, and yeah...your job sounds awesome! What red blooded woman, or gay guy, wouldn't love it? :D Keep your head up, hope things continue to improve!


Sanctum's Muse said...

Thanks! Love having you as readers.

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