The Darkness Cometh

May 29, 2009

More than a week has passed since I last wrote. My state, both physical and mental, seems to deteriorate by the day. This has been my life everyday for the past ten days or so:

1. Get up around 10:30 a.m. My husband has already left for training hours before. I could get up with him, but I've discovered that my stomach doesn't bother me as long as I sleep.

2. Eat a light breakfast around 11 a.m. and pray I keep it down. I adjourn to the couch in the living room to rest while my breakfast settles.

3. Eat lunch around 12 p.m. and snack at 2 p.m. I have to eat this often to stave off sharp hunger pains that somehow contribute to my nausea.

4. My stomach has usually settled enough by this time so I can take a shower.

5. I then try to accomplish something in the afternoon--change the sheets on our bed, vacuum, clean the kitchen...something. I usually have just enough energy to do one thing.

6. By 4 p.m., I'm back on the couch. I stay there until 6 p.m., then get up to cook dinner. This is a challenge.

7. My husband arrives home around 7:30 p.m. We watch a show while we eat dinner.

8. By 9 p.m., my husband is ready for bed. He convinces me to tag along. He doesn't like going to bed alone.

9. I usually fall asleep by 10:30 p.m., which means I will sleep about 12 hours.

On any given day like this, the only person I see or talk to is my husband. As appalling as I find this routine, any deviation from it at all is nearly unthinkable. Phone calls, trips to the grocery store, keeping appointments--even taking short walks around the block--all require effort beyond my current capability. Needless to say, I'm extremely frustrated. I've been so frustrated, in fact, that I haven't visited any of my regular websites in several days...or written anything for that matter. Bear with me. The darkness has descended again.


Nunekhiia said...

i know how that feels, try to distract yourself with something that doesnt require that much effort, ( not watching tv, that can only frustrate you even more )
but you could try to do some paintings maybe?
just a suggestion :)

Sanctum's Muse said...

That's a good suggestion. I'll think about it.

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